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Web Design » Other » (Parody) My New Web 2.0 App
(Parody) My New Web 2.0 App
Views: 1984 | 12-11-2010, 08:29 | Category : Other

I read a lot of things these days that describe "Web 2.0" applications.

A lot of these sounds like rants that George Carlin does in which he (very impressively) strings together a suprising number buzzwords that surround a given topic.

So, here's the description of a Web 2.0 app I'm deploying to beta in Carlin-format:

I've just written a new app. It's Web 2.0.

It's an agile waterfalled Scrum app written using Extreme Programming methodologies.

I've got test-driven development using a unit testing framework integrated with a build tool that autocompiles upon saving in my IDE.

I've got intellisense, my management methods follow common sense, and my SQL doesn't make others wince.

I've got ORM, which plays well with my database, which, of course, follows third norm.

It's got a full-stack framework, guaranteed to work, as long as I get latest from SVN, retest, and redeploy every day.

The data-layers hotswappable. Want platforms? It'll do MySQL, MSSQL, PostgreSQL, Informix, and even a flat file format your TI-85 could read. Oracle, as always, will cost you extra.

What about the .NET threat? You bet. It'll do ODBC, RDO, DAO, ADO, OLEDB, and now ADO.NET.

It's got CSS that even Eric Meyer would bless, not a tabled mess.

There's IoC, eliminating dependency, finding components on the fly, because I'm a decoupled kind of guy.

Objects? It's got a domain model to make you drool. There's a service locator, witty implementation of Decorator, and a data-layer cache that'll save you cycles now and later.

Through super decoupling configured by XML, there's no JAR FUBAR or DLL Hell.

I don't even code, I just add an XML node.

Speaking of XML hacks, how about that AJAX? I'm prototyped,'d, unobstrusive, and them's the facts, Jack.

My code is patterned, not scattered, deep fried, and battered.

I've got object think (wink wink), but without the kitchen sink.

I've got a social network, chat rooms for the l33t to lurk, and it'll get Digg'd five thousand times per day.

It's a rich internet application, guaranteed to bring home the bacon.

It's using MVC, so it'll also work via HTML, SMS, WML, and a format known only to a hyperintelligent cat living in Tallahassee.

What does it do, you ask? It's a mobile platform for allowing user-contributed content synchronization across business domains integrating granular banded reporting of tags to account for the actual utilization metrics for every task.

Tags: Causing Trouble

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